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Wanted: Intern

8/13/2012

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Position: Unpaid Intern

Objective: Everyone else seems to have an Intern in New York City, so why can't I?

Mission: Learn to navigate the convoluted mess of a life of a Professional Fuck-Up.

Compensation: Personal growth and/or Karmic advancement 

Qualifications:

*Must be amicable and easy on the eyes

*Must be sensible, sensual, capable and eager to please

Responsibliities: 

* Answering texts, emails, phone calls

* Faxing or whatever

* Organizing files, utensils or whatever

* Coordinating social life (Public/Interpersonal Relations, Family Mediation)

* Preparing snacks/picking up beer 

* Advice/Life coaching/Pep talks

* Foot/Head massage

* Cleaning and organizing of Office (Professional does not have an Office at this time, until such office is procured this applies to the Professional's living quarters)

* Psychic Readings (Accuracy is a must)

* Pharmaceutical Coordination (discretion is a must)

* Routine escort services (must own a suit and perhaps tuxedo or prom dress)

* Accounting when necessary, though the Professional doesn't have much to account for




Thank you very much for your interest, this position is unpaid, however, the Company will provide an outstanding reference letter and also free coffee (prepared by  the Intern) for the duration of each shift.  (Intern must be available on-call 24 hours a day.) 

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